Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
