I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
