Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
