I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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