put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is Oprah even human
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
