You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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