I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sex in a hospital.. check
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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