Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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