You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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