There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
