I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
