im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
