i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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