Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
