Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
