I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
