An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
