And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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