She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
