hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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