Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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