Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
