I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
