i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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