If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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