Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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