i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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