How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dignity is for republicans.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
