69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He passed out mid-signature
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
