Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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