I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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