I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
