i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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