So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
