If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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