hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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