you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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