You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize