best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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