let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
