apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
