The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
me + whiskey = a bad person
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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