I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize