why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
