Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
