Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
