Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
