he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
