i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
