cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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