wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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