it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
