Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
