She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
