Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
