Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
