hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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