He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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