I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
