i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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