He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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