Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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