best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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