i just sent this text using only my big toe
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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