Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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