Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize