Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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