Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
