Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
